Now was my drunken lord ready to hang himself for the end of the
full point, and over my neck he throws himself very lubberly, and
entreated me, as I was a proper young gentleman, and ever looked f
or pleasure at his hands, soon to rid him out of this hell of suspense,
and resolve him of the rest; then fell he on his knees, wrung his
hands, and I think, on my conscience, wept out all the cider that he
had drunk in a week before; to move me to have pity on him he rose
and put his rusty ring on my finger, gave me his greasy purse with that
single money that was in it, promised to make me his heir, and a
thousand more favours, if I would expire the misery of his unspeakable
tormenting uncertainty. I being by nature inclined to mercy (for indeed
I knew two or three good wenches of that name), bade him harden his
ears, and not make his eyes abortive before their time, and he should
have the inside of my breast turned outward, hear such a tale as would
tempt the utmost strength of life to attend it and not die in the midst of
it. Why (quoth I), myself that am but a poor childish well-willer of yours,
with the very thought that a man of your desert and state by a number
of peasants and varlets should be so injuriously abused in hugger-mugger,
have wept all my urine upwards. The wheel under our city bridge carries
not so much water over the city as my brain hath welled forth gushing
streams of sorrow; I have wept so immoderately and lavishly that I
thought verily my palate had been turned to Pissing Conduit in London.
My eyes have been drunk, outrageously drunk, with giving but ordinary
intercourse, through their sea-circled islands, to my distilling dreariment.